Joshua Alexander is Not My Friend

Am I the only one who struggles with keeping on track? Maintaining momentum? Surely others fight discouragement when the jobs aren’t coming in or just can’t stand the thought of tackling the recordkeeping you need to do? Please tell me I’m not alone. I can’t be. So when I read a book such as Voiceovers: A Super Business, A Super Life by Joshua Alexander, I can’t help but want to twist my head off.

Not literally. I am pretty sure twisting one’s head off isn’t even possible. Not that I’ve tried; I haven’t. Probably.

If you prefer listening to reading, here is an audio version of this post. Listener discretion is advised.

Let me be clear

I don’t want you to get the idea that I didn’t like Josh’s book, because I did. A lot. He offers a humor laced blend of practical information, encouragement, transparency and an occasional cold fish-slap of reality across the face. I recommend it to any voice artist, from beginners to the venerable elders amongst us. Fish lovers too.

I also want to say this: I have never met Josh and have never spoken to Josh. I’m not even sure he would approve of my calling him Josh. All reports are that he is a straight-up good guy that you wouldn’t hesitate to ask to water your plants while you are on vacation. All things being equal, I am sure we could have been friends. Unfortunately, things are not equal and I will be forced to shun Josh forever.

Unavoidable conclusions

How rude! What is my problem? It isn’t my problem, it’s Josh’s. I am a regular guy. Normal life, normal ambitions, normal energy. Normal.

Apparently Josh on the other hand, has so much energy that Seattle Power recently asked him to conduct his business inside a giant hamster wheel for a few hours so they could keep things up and running during what would have been a blackout. He has so much drive to constantly market himself that he has to schedule time to sleep. Once a week, whether he needs it or not. He is so focused that he has an alarm on his watch to remind him to blink. All of this is true, I swear it. I read it on the internet, just a few sentences ago.

Please understand, I am a gentle soul. I try to love everyone and avoid conflict whenever possible. Seriously, though, how can you expect me to like a guy like that?

It gets worse

Adding insult to injury, after reading his book, Josh has somehow gained a perch on my shoulder where he sits and doesn’t say anything. He doesn’t have to say anything. His mere existence in the world is a rebuke to my slothful (normal!) ways.

When I, through no fault of my own, get caught up in an hour long swirling black hole of YouTube distraction like any normal person would do instead of updating my CRM, there is Josh, not saying anything. When I innocently forget for a few days to reach out to potential new customers, there is Josh not saying anything. If I accidentally submit a less than stellar audition because walking back to my recording booth to do another take would take soooo long, there is Josh, still sitting there, not saying anything. And if he furrows his brow and gives me that side-eye thing he does? Forget it.

I am sure you understand. Those of us mortals who are shackled to our humanity with all of our faults and weaknesses must resolve ourselves to maintain our composure and remain tolerant of people like Josh. After all, they can’t help who they are. I’m sure God loves them anyway. The best the rest of us can do is try to be open to learning a thing or two while they sit there on our shoulders and don’t say anything.

To be forewarned is to be forearmed

If you have read Josh’s book, you probably know what I am talking about. If you haven’t, do yourself a favor. Before you read it, download every song by Michael Bolton you can find. Trust me, it may be the only way you find peace afterward.

Now, to make things worse, Josh is writing another book. I am determined not to buy it. I’ve only got two shoulders and J. Michael Collins is already on the other one.