I took a walk yesterday. It was dismal, with complete cloud cover and a drizzling rain. I was feeling as gloomy as the weather, weighed down by the stress of working a full time job alongside my voice-over business while trying to give adequate time and attention to my wife, cats and home. I sadly realized I would have to give up my childhood dream of being a juggler in the circus.
I’ll admit it, I was looking at my phone, not really paying attention to where I was going, I stumbled on a rock on the trail, setting off a “series of unfortunate events” as the saying goes.. I didn’t fall at first, but my sharp cry startled a small rabbit out of its hiding place. It scurried across the trail, using the space between my legs as an ill-advised escape route. Doing my best to imitate a Scottish highland dancer, I high-stepped to avoid having to clean my shoes of cute furry carnage, putting myself more than a little off balance. Okay, so I’m not a good dancer. So sue me.
The Butterfly Effect
As the adorable little hell-spawn darted under a bush, it startled a butterfly, which took to flight. Not normally a notable event, but this time an exception must be made as it careened right at me with the erratic flight path of a yellow Piper Cub with a broken wing just before it predictably explodes into the inevitable mountainside.
A quick assessment lead me to falsely believe I could parry this delicate aerial assault with little difficulty. Little did I know that a cardinal, one of the most beautiful of backyard birds, spotted the butterfly and less than beautifully decided it was lunch time. Or so I thought. Hungry he might have been, but it turns out he had other, more nefarious intentions.
Apparently cardinals aren’t particularly patient when their little red tummies start to rumbling. Eschewing all etiquette and decorum, this crimson meteor screams in, nearly breaking the sound barrier, and snatches the butterfly from mid air right in front of me. Showing his true murderous resolve, he changed trajectory in mid-flight, jetting toward me. I see the look on your face. Don’t question me on this. There was unmistakable blood lust in his little black eyes. Pulling up into a barrel roll, he was determined to display his aerobatic prowess so that when his bright orange beak impaled me in the temple I would go to my death carrying the vision of his extraordinary skill. This, I believe, is a cardinal’s version of the Klingon code which dictates that to die in battle with the highest honor you must bring your enemy down with you.
The Impact of All This
As wings slapped my face, all thoughts of highland dancing long gone, I ducked down and back, putting myself off balance even further. Flailing as I fell, limbs jutting out in every direction in an attempt to bring my arms around to brace the impact. Since I was carrying my phone and didn’t want to drop it, I ended up falling more on my elbows and face than my hands. There might possibly have been some loud and liberal use of colorful language as I hit the earth, rocks and mud. The yelling might have been very Klingon-like, but I knew I had missed my opportunity at honor.
Hurting, humiliated, wet and dirty, I hauled myself upright again. Stepping on red feathers and a yellow butterfly wing, I turned and began to trudge home, in a darker mood than ever.
Afraid to know, but wanting to assess the damage, I looked at my phone. Startlingly, right at that moment the rain stopped and the sun shone down in glorious golden beams upon the gooey, gritty mess I held in my hand!
As I wiped the mud across the cracked screen, I saw that either my fingers, the rocks of the trail or the hand of an angel had sent me on an unexpected web journey to Amazon.com.
On the screen was displayed a t-shirt that I had never seen before. I am picky about the t-shirts I wear so was surprised to find that I really liked it. It was a classy, classic design, reminiscent of a retro clothing badge or record label.
Even more intriguing, the design was voice-over specific. What are the odds that my walk, my trip, the demonic bunny, my inability to dance, the flight-challenged butterfly and the bird on an assassination lunch mission would lead me to this one specific product which was so perfectly made for me? A chill went up my spine.
I further discovered that the shirt is available in different color combinations on different shirt styles for men, women and kids. I also found other voice-over themed designs under the same brand, Dystopian VO. So many choices. It was as if God had arranged this whole series of events just to show me these shirts. I had no choice but to order one right away!
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
So either that is what happened, or . . . maybe, just maybe, the t-shirt designs came to life on my computer under my watchful eyes, then were posted to Amazon in hopes of partially funding my voice acting addiction. You be the judge.
* No rabbits, butterflies, birds, rocks or mud were harmed in the making of this story.